Rediscover Communication

I am having trouble viewing your page, chad. I get a browser error that says, quoth: "unable to fetch domain" and it happens on your main page as well as your blog. Have you not been paying your bill? :)
I think that we all feel a bit unnerved by serial killers, because they contain personality traits that are common to many people, but get twisted and distorted, which drives them to commit the acts they do. I have had an interest in profilers and profiling for a while, and I have finally had to back away from some of that interest because I could point out personality traits in me that led to serial murder in others. Things like obsessive-compulsive behavior (very unlike the ritual handwashing that is shown by popular media, more like a mild case of perfectionism) and schizotypal scores (like on the personality test we took a while back) and a nerdy, overly technical demeanor would indicate that I have at least something in common with them. There is a very real difference, however. Most serial murderers kill because the act (and feelings associated with that act) have replaced sexual feelings and drives. It is usually a progressive sequence of events, starting in childhood (such as abusive parents, deriving happiness from torturing and killing animals, etc), but taking on a more mature form later in life, starting out with soft-core porn and leading progressively towards more voyeuristic things. The end result for many was that killing got them off, and only killing. And, what was worse was the requirements (and feelings) intensified to the point where they needed to do more and more just to feel ok, much the same as a drug addiction.
But anyway, I need to take off.
l8r
Addendum: back again... I had to leave nearly midsentence, there, but I am back. Picking up with drug addiction...
I am not saying that the case of the sniper is illustrating these things. truly psychotic killers have some kind of a relationship with their victims, if only for the short time they are in contact with them. The sniper was more of a spree killer than a serial killer. Spree killers generally have a short "cooling off" period between kills, if one at all. They may have a relationship with only some of their victims (such as a co-worker), while others are just bystanders (such as a customer), but they usually act fairly quickly and decisively. Serial killers enjoy generating pain and fear in their victims, while a spree killer is out just to kill.
Really, the idea of a spree killer is much more frightening, because it is usually fairly normal people who just snap one day and kill 15 people.
anyhow, I think that we would know by now if we were serial killer material, and would have most likely acted already. Where is a little bunny when you need something to kill, anyway?
Any or all of us could be spree killers, however, if we were pushed to it. The question is just how hard a push it would take.

I ain't afraid of no ghosts!!!!!!!

as i've been thinking, it occurs to me that i have all the right ingredients to become a serial killer. the overall annoyance of the workings of the collective minds of society. the dream and wish that some of that could be eliminated in some way. the self borrowing of social retardation. and a pretty fucked up childhood that could have a need for release. i however lack the desire for a new hobby

The kitties pages were cool... I like the Immigrant Song page the best...:)
Something is so fitting with having kitties pose as battle hardened Vikings on the take...

KITTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KITTIES!!!
KITTIES!!!
KITTIES!!!
KITTIES!!!
KITTIES!!!

I am a lazy, lazy man. I have been sick this last week. Kind of a Cold/flu concoction that made me feel as though I was underwater. There was a delay effect with everyones speech... They would say something, and it would take me time to process what they said and actually get the meaning out of it. It was like a poor connection on a long-distance phone call. People must have thought I was on drugs or something. I coul't get anything done. But I am beginning to feel better. On several fronts. I have been trying lately to hang onto good feelings longer. My natural personality is fairly melancholy, and that isn't too bad, but I have been trying just to feel good again. It has been working somewhat. Contentment is an elusive, but worthy goal.
I asked before, but it may have gotten lost in one of those posts that never quite made it to publication in the blog... where does everyone work? I currently have no steady job outside of school. I have reached the conclusion that a steady job and school are mutually exclusive events.
The thought police article was frightening. The real fright comes from the interconnected databases that would allow information like his (the being blacklisted from United) to spread to other airlines and even to finding a job, applying for a loan, getting picked up for speeding, etc. There is a large debate in philosophy about privacy, but like nearly all debates, it is moot because there is no real privacy anymore anyway. Even in the deepest darkest depths of the bush in AK, a satellite or a spy plane is watching. The chineese are listening to us. WE are listening to us. A webcam is watching me. It is strange...
jeff
'Someone is always watching" -Max Fenig, x-files episode Fallen Angel

i put in 47 hours this week.
i am a slave.
and i really hate the fact that i am feeling slight inklings of contentment.
or something like it....
maybe helpless....

i just am annoyed at the fact that i don't have any real meaningful conversations at work. and i wonder if my coworkers have some hidden depth that they never display during "business hours"...
i start to believe that i am the only one trying to find some sort of underlying connection. something beyond talk of the fucking weather...
i fear the average persons unwavering conformity
i fear ‘nutraceuticals’ and ‘biopharmaceuticals’
i fear the thought police.
i am afraid of americans

culture jam

Yeah and those people sitting in the dark are quietly folding an arsenal of paper airplanes.

Ahem.
{paper shuffling}

yes... I sometimes think it is just us in here, as well. It is like writing words on a chalkboard that is spotlit in an otherwise dark, empty room. There may be people out there beyond the edge of the light, but you can't tell.

The Empty Sea

i need more ram :(


sometimes, i think its just us two in here, jeff...

well, I gone an' done it.
i ordered a 256MB stick from crucial. It was 80 dollars, which was 20 bucks cheaper than the K-byte stuff at Best Buy. better, too, I think. It should be here saturday. I hope.
crucials prices have dropped in the last month.
I like.
It will be interesting to see what happens. If it improves or what.
Really, memory technology has done amazing things in the last 5-6 years. amount, speed, reliability. everything. remember the ol 66MHz bus speeds anyone? and how PC100 and PC133 were such speedy impovements? back in the day, boyz, back in the day

probably not much of a difference unless you're doing some really hardcore stuff. then ram timings/brands can make a difference. just dont go with anything generic, those will probably be bad right own of the box, or fail relatively soon, and prices usually aren't that different between brands...

I took CS off software video mode, and it helped a bit, but didn't do a whole lot. I think the problem lies in my not having a video card. From what I learned my laptop allocates a certain amount of memory for video, and doesn't have a separate card. It works well most of the time, but it just will hang a bit. I need to buy more RAM anyway. Does anybody know if there is a real difference in memory brands? I was going to buy some K-byte/Reptron stuff, but chickened out. Maybe it doesn't make that big a difference. I have heard from folks in the know that Crucial is best, but the question remains: Will I notice?

i love google

sometimes, i give it hugs..


well, you cant hug a search engine, but if i could hug one of the servers that runs it, i would... all day long....

Ahhh... I saw Rediscover communication in the most recently updated blogs list... a first. I wonder who is stopping by?
And all this from my little post :)

Here is something to think about. Ponder on. What a perfect description of my life. I can go anywhere I want, search for whatever I would wish to find, but I sit and stare at the blinking cursor that flashes- tauntingly- at me to spite my indecision. "I am waiting" it screams. "I dare you to have the courage to ask me something. Anything.". But I have nothing to search for, it seems. My mind is as blank as the untyped text field. A moment ago I thought I may have, but now... I dare not.
Sit and stare into the white, roiling abyss and ponder, aye, ponder. And see what you learn. Suddenly things are beginning to make sense...

mmm.. tales of a scorched earth,,,

everybody's lost just waiting to be found
everyone's a thought just waiting to fade
so fuck it all cause i don't care
so what somehow somewhere we dared
to try to dare to dare for a little more
i lie just to be real, and i'd die just to feel
why do the same old things keep on happening?
because beyond my hopes there are no reasons

i figured out what i should post...

jeff, dont use counter-strike in software video mode, and if you aren't and it's still locking up, try reinstalling, because if you've got a card that can handle UT2k3, it should easily be able to handle counterstrike.

i feel like posting something on here, but i dont know what.

UT2k3 is glorious.
I am getting more into the gaming thing. My computer doesn't do too bad, especially for a lap top. I get a hang once in a while. Counterstrike is worse. I will be playing on an internet game, and just as soon as someone comes around the corner, I lock up and by the time I am done, I am dead. UT2k3 rarely hangs. It has pretty graphics too. I am blown away by the water. and kind of so-so blown away by the physics engine. The big thing that I have against it is the continual bobbling when you run. That makes me car sick and adds nothing to the game.
I still tend to go for the lightning gun and snipe head shots. I love that.
:)
jeff
ps. I am reading "a scanner darkly" by Phillip K Dick. So far, so good. I have only read about 15-20 pages or so.
mo' later

Well... Today was a busy day. i had my statics test in the morning, and I think I did ok on it. I screwed up the homework, though, but I can recover that. Electromagnetics remains a looming threat. Which is why I am completely ignoring it for the moment.
I read phillipkdick.doc, and was blown away. Very VERY good article. It contains some threads of thought that I had pursued myself. Not so much in questioning the fundamental nature of reality, but in questioning the beginning of reality. It was part of a Creation/Evolution thing that I was thinking about. The whole of science and religion seem to be beating around the same bush on the Creation/evolution issue, and I came to the conclusion that they agree with each other nearly completely save one point- measuring (or quantifying) the flow of time. I finally reached the conclusion that there is something fundamentally wrong (or at least different) with the way we quantify time. It works well for short scales -Today came after yesterday, but before tomorrow. Last year I took a particular class, etc- but begins to break down for longer scales. I had the thought that all points in time exist as a single point-a single event, but there is some steadily changing aspect or focus on that point, providing us with a "flow" of time. Locally, that focus is not very much different than the preceeding focus, but globally, some very wierd situations began to arise. It finally ended up being so unthinkable and "out there" that I gave it up, realizing that it was an impossible thing to comprehend, and I did not have the mathematical vocabulary to express it, so I may as well leave it alone.
I can make no claims of my thought's accuracy, or even whether I agree very much with it, but it did occur.
Abortion is something that mystifies me. I have heard all the arguments in its support, but I have yet to hear a logical one. even a good one. The very best that its proponents can claim is that it is simply a matter of convenience. In my mind it is the greatest injustice and crime imaginable.
so, with a very disheartened outlook for the survival of sanity, I will go.
{sigh}

baby parts for sale!

what is this world?
what does it mean when i resort to quoting southpark episodes to illustrate the unjustice?
anybody have 1.9 mil i could borrow?

I am currently in the process of trying to complete my Electromagnetics homework, study for my Statics test (bright and early at 8 a.m.) and peruse the volume of data Chad has presented. I am having limited success at any of them.
I believe I shall sleep for a bit, and then weigh in with thoughtful comment tomorrow afternoon sometime.
I did look at the lucid dreaming thing a bit. It is interesting stuff. I have had low-level lucid dreams quite a bit, where I come to the realization that I am dreaming. The dream usually ends at that precise moment, because the feeling of "what is the point?" comes over me and I decide to quit or I just stop without any real decision on my part. By "what is the point?" I mean that it seems (in the dream state) to be pointless to continue with that dream once there is a realization of lucidity. You have read the story from the end to the beginning. There is no more Surprise. I can imagine any of the things I wish in a completely conscious mode of thought, and it seems I make a dash for that.
And I do have to ask... If you are aware of your dream, and that you can control it, what IS the point any more? Your dream has just been reduced to mere imaginings that could be conjured up at any moment of the day with greater control and detail.
maybe I have an overactive imagination or something. Or maybe an underactive palette of dreams. Or maybe they are the same thing.
To tell the truth, I rarely remember dreams. I would have to say that I even remember that I had dreamed at all, regardless of the content, no more than 3-4 times a month. True content is even rarer than that.
Oh well...
good night all
sweet dreams...:)
jeff
""haven't you heard? Its a battle of words." the poster-bearer cried"

philipkdick.doc

interesting reading... possibly insane reading.
If you haven't seen a waking life yet, i pity you.

jeff you must come visit me and we can massage the bush a little...
I thought it would be obvious to you that we're living on Dubya's Animal Farm

~~~~mad hyperlinker chad signing out

the cutest website in existence is at oralse.cx. apparently this is some goofball's answer to goatse.cx

please dont visit goatse.cx
please visit oralse.cx
and while you're at it, check out analse.cx

To me, this seems musically innovative. I am intrigued to hear it, even if it does sound a bit oversexed. I can empathize with this guy... I had to program the Motorola 68HC11 microcontroller to play Jingle Bells and Silent Night (you could attempt to switch between the two using interrupts) by counting clock cycles (2 MHZ=500 nanoseconds) and creating delay loops that would make sound out of a speaker by driving the speaker high and leaving it high for a time and then driving it low and leaving it low. Then you had to modify the loop so that it would make different frequencies (notes).It had a very video-game tone. it was also cool, because I finally figured out why a modem makes that annoying hissing, gurgling sound. It is an audio equivalent of the hexadecimal characters that are being sent over the phone line. I know because my code ran away at one point and made a sound just like it. Very cool. :)

mmmm... theres nothing like a warm tasty bush
its scary how close this is to the truth

"There once was a lady named Bright,
who could travel faster than light.
She departed one day,
in a relative way,
and returned the previous night."
Another interesting limerick

"I teleported home on night
with Ron and Sid and Meg
Ron stole Meggie's heart away
and I got Sidney's leg"
--- short song about the dangers of teleportation.